Understanding the Ins and Out (Literally) of the Swinger Lifestyle - The Happy Wife™

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September 21, 2020

Swingers

You’ve probably heard of swingers before and thought it was just a bunch of couples engaging in oversized orgies and wife swapping. While you wouldn’t be too far off, there’s a lot about the swinger lifestyle that people don’t realize. One of the biggest misconceptions is exactly that - swinging is actually a lifestyle. There are rules, different scenarios, and a lot of other interesting tidbits of information you may not know.

Whether you’re single and interested in the swinging lifestyle, a couple looking to expand their sexual horizons, or just horny and curious, this article’s for you. We’ll cover some lesser-known facts about swinging, tips for getting started, and some unwritten rules to keep in mind when exploring this lifestyle and other people’s bodies.

So, what is swinging exactly?

Swinging is a form of non-monogamy where both partners consent to a  non-monogamous relationship. 

There are rules in place to keep the primary relationship strong and healthy. In most cases, swinger couples are heterosexual and agree to different scenarios of exchanging or sharing sexual partners. 

Interesting Facts About the Swinging Lifestyle

Do you suspect that your quiet and mysterious neighbor is secretly a swinger? Has your best girlfriend invited you to join a threesome and you can’t tell if she’s kidding or not? Or has your husband expressed interest in sharing you with another man? All of these are indications that you know a swinger or two and don’t even realize it!

Swinging is slightly more common and openly discussed in Europe than anywhere else, where over half a million people admit to engaging in swinging at one point or another. Of those swingers, 95% admitted to being in a long-term relationship at the time. Because swinging often involves multiple partners at once, it’s no surprise that 65% of women swingers admit to being bi-sexual and engaging in sex acts with other females. With 80% of couples reporting they feel more sexually satisfied and happier in their relationships after engaging in a swinging experience, it’s no wonder the lifestyle is more popular than ever.

Different Types of Swinging

Just like sex has endless possibilities of positions and scenarios (which is what makes it so exciting), there’s no one-size-fits-all situation in the swinging lifestyle. There are actually three common dynamics that most swinging couples engage in. 

Soft Swinging

Soft swinging is the mildest form and involves foreplay with more than one person in a shared space but results in sexual intercourse only between you and your partner. Foreplay can mean a lot of things from touching and kissing to more “hands-on” acts (or should we say mouth?) like oral sex. Be sure that everyone is on the same page before engaging in soft swinging so that no one oversteps the boundaries. (We’ll talk more about setting rules in a bit).

Closed Swinging

Closed swinging involves having sex with someone other than your partner, away from your partner (aka - behind closed doors). That means you wouldn’t be engaging in sex acts openly, in front of one another. Instead, you have your own fun in a separate private space. In most cases, your partner is doing the same with their own, new lover. This is also referred to as “swapping”. 

Open Swinging

Open swinging is basically an orgy. It involves multiple partners having sex, openly, with other people. These scenarios involve three, four, or more couples, all engaging in foreplay and sex acts with one another. All of the couples involved are open and willing to explore whoever and whatever in front of them they see and like! This usually occurs in a private, contained space (like a swinger’s club or common, agreed-upon area). 

Swinger Lifestyle Rules

They say, in life, rules are meant to be broken but that’s not quite the case when it comes to the swinger lifestyle. But trust us, these rules aren’t meant to put a damper on your fun. In fact, the opposite is true! These ground rules are in place so that all parties involved have a fun, safe experience. Some rules are created between you and your partner before engaging in foreplay or sex with others and some rules are established for the entire group, depending on the setting.

The most basic rules to discuss with your partner beforehand are how far you both can go when interacting with other people. Do you prefer just soft foreplay like kissing and touching but no sex acts whatsoever? Or is oral sex okay but penetration is a no-no? Talk to your partner about what turns you on and what makes you uncomfortable. Then, find a swinger couple or club that fits these needs and boundaries

Safe sex is a must when engaging with multiple partners - some of which you may not even know! Many swinger groups have strict rules about getting tested for STDs, whether or not you use condoms, and being forthcoming about if the women in the group are using a form of birth control. Be sure to discuss these preferences with all parties involved. If someone doesn’t want to wear a condom or provide proof of a clean bill of health, you are well within your rights to decline engaging in sex acts with them. Remember, swinging is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, not stressful. Always work within your comfort zone. 

If you and your partner choose to attend a swinger’s club, check their website carefully for any rules and regulations. Some clubs have strict dress codes and rules about couples and singles. Many clubs welcome single ladies but may only admit guys who are part of a couple. There are often themed events and off-site parties so check out what’s going on in your local area

Pros and Cons of the Swinging Lifestyle

Like any good, satisfying thing in life, the swinging lifestyle has its ups and downs (and ins and outs). While the pros shouldn’t be the deciding factor for jumping feet (or face) first into the lifestyle, the cons also shouldn’t completely deter you. Consider this information as food for thought when deciding if the swinging lifestyle is right for you and your SO.

Pros

Let’s start with the good stuff. Here are a few popular reasons why people enjoy swinging.

Increased Communication

We all know that communication is crucial in any relationship, but who knew that sharing your partner or sexually experiencing a stranger could actually open the lines of communication between you and your other half? The swinging lifestyle requires trust, honesty, and openness. You need to discuss your desires, your apprehensions, your boundaries, and everything in between. There’s no time for beating around the bush (pun intended). Swinging helps couples communicate and connect on an entirely different level.

Let’s You Experience New Things 

You’ve probably heard of the 7-year itch. Sometimes, too much of a good thing isn’t good. If you’re feeling bored in your relationship or sex has become mundane, swinging is a sure-fire way to spice things up. Now you can explore some of your naughtiest fantasies and enjoy sex with other people in an open, honest way. When agreed on by both partners, swinging isn’t cheating. It’s a form of sexual expression. Now, you get to have your cake and eat it too - literally.

Creates a Deeper Appreciation for Each Other

While the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, sometimes, experiencing someone else sexually, while different, isn’t always better. You may get off on a hot and steamy sex session with a stranger, but they probably don’t know your body the way your partner does. Your partner knows exactly how and where you like to be touched. Sure, sex with someone new is exhilirating and a little taboo, which makes it hot in an entirely different way. But, at the end of the day, you may find yourself appreciating your significant other’s techniques and the emotional intimacy you share during sex a little bit more.

Cons

You may be thinking, “I’m can have sex with whoever I want without getting in trouble with my partner? What could possibly be a downside to this?” Well, while it sounds like all fun and games, there are a few hurdles to consider when entering this open, sexually free lifestyle.

Different Opinions

You and your partner may strongly disagree about what the swinging lifestyle means to you. Do you prefer just foreplay with others but no oral sex or penetration? Your partner might feel, “What’s the point?” If they want to explore other people completely and fully with no restrictions, you need to have a serious talk before moving forward. 

Jealousy Rears Its Ugly Head

This is the most common complaint and apprehension expressed by those in the swinging world. Jealousy. It’s a natural reaction and one that some people handle better than others. If you’re an overly jealous or protective person, you may want to think twice about swinging - or start slow with group foreplay or even a threesome with a trusted friend. The idea and fantasy of swinging and actually watching your partner kiss, touch, and be intimate with someone else are two very different things. Discuss your fears with your partner beforehand. If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen (and someone else’s pants).

Secrecy

No, swinging isn’t quite a secret society, but many people choose to keep this part of their life under wraps. Why? Not everyone understands or accepts the lifestyle. While everyone’s entitled to their opinion, you don’t need a guilt trip over how you choose to express yourself sexually. In short, it’s nobody’s business but yours and your partners. So, be prepared to keep this part of your life quiet or face the potential of dirty looks and even lost friendships (sad but true).

The Swinger Lifestyle Isn’t As Scary As It Seems, Try it! Yolo!

You don’t have to be a sex-hungry addict to enjoy the perks of being a swinger. In truth, it’s just another form of sexual expression. It’s a way for you and your partner to safely and openly explore your deepest fantasies, together. With different types of swinging, you can discuss and choose the one that best fits your comfort level and sexual appetite. Start slow and before you know it, you may just be hosting your own orgies at home! 




 






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