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May 14, 2020

So, ladies, you’re thinking about having a threesome. Does the idea of handling two cocks at once get you hot and bothered? Or does the thought of experimenting with a woman excite you? Well, don’t be embarrassed because you’re definitely not alone!

In fact, a shocking one in seven Americans has had a threesome before and another one in five people find them appealing. If you’re considering a threesome with your boyfriend or husband but aren’t sure how to approach the subject with your guy, we’re here to help. There are no set rules on how to have a three-way, but these tips will help you not only bring it up to your man but do it so he feels comfortable, attractive, and as sexually aroused by the idea as you are. 

Let’s start by tapping into the reasons behind wanting a threesome.

Exploring Your Sexual Needs

Ladies, you’re a healthy, sexual being. It’s okay to have fantasies. It’s okay to explore your sexuality and enjoy sexual activities and ideas that others might find taboo or questionable. There is a certain negative stigma surrounding women who are in touch with their sexuality. They’re often deemed as sluts or whores. We say, fuck that theory! There’s nothing sexier or more empowering than understanding your sexual needs and expressing them with your partner in a healthy way. 

It can be difficult even in the healthiest of relationships to broach the subject of a threesome. Your husband’s first thought might be, “Am I not enough?” So your first job is to reassure him that he’s more than enough, but more importantly, that this is about you, not him. 

You have sexual needs that might involve a third person. Have you been fantasizing about being fucked by a big cock or maybe having two cocks in you at once? Double the pleasure! Are you curious about how another female might feel finger banging you or vise versa? Maybe you want a female to lick your pussy. These are all completely healthy, normal curiosities. Express these to your husband in a non-intimidating setting. Assure him that you want him to be completely involved from start to finish. Ask him how much he wants to be involved and lay the groundwork long before you take action.

Here are a few tips for having successful threesomes in relationships and ensuring that both you and your partner are comfortable and sexually satisfied.

Threesomes in Relationships Need a Solid Foundation 

Before we get into bringing a third person into your sex life, you need a strong foundation with your partner. The number one ingredient is trust. You need to be able to trust your partner and respect each other’s boundaries. 

Is your husband the type of guy who gets anxious when you’re out for a night with the ladies? Does he go through your phone or get freaked out when you head to the grocery store alone? If so, it’s important to learn your husband’s triggers and how to make him comfortable. This can be as simple as checking in with him or letting him know you’re thinking about him even when you’re not together. You both need to feel secure in the relationship before you can invite a third party. Once your man feels secure, it’ll be easier to introduce the idea of having a three-way. 

For those of you who are already there, here we go!

Set the Ground Rules

Yes, sex is about letting go and having fun but there are still important rules to layout before having a threesome with your husband or boyfriend. It might even help to outline these rules before bringing it up. These threesome rules are designed to make everyone feel comfortable and prevent jealousy (the trickiest part of having a threesome). Rules like no kissing on the mouth or no physical contact between certain parties are common. Also, talk to your partner about the type of threesomes turn them on and how they imagine your threesome playing out. Their fantasy might differ from yours, causing confusion or hurt feelings during the act. Nothing kills a boner faster than tears or a bitch slap!

Here are some specific threesome rules based on different scenarios:

  • During a MFF (male, female, female) threesome, you may not want your man touching the other girl. You and her can have fun by kissing, touching, licking, and sucking, but your man is only allowed to watch and touch you.
  • During a MMF (male, male, female) threesome, your man may be okay with watching another guy fuck you but he may request no contact between himself and the other guy.
  • During a MMF (male, male, female) threesome, you may only want to give oral sex to the other guy but penetration may be off-limits.
  • During MFF (male, female, female) threesome you may be comfortable with your guy touching the other girl’s breasts, ass, or other body parts but she’s not allowed to touch him.

The most important thing to keep in mind is everyone’s comfort level. Remember, threesomes are supposed to be fun! Know your personality and that of your partners. Make sure everyone is physically and emotionally comfortable with what’s going on before the clothes come off and sexual desire takes over. 

Choose the Third Person Together

Are you thinking of having a threesome with your man? When you stop and think of who the third person might be, who comes to mind? Likely someone you know. A trusted friend or coworker -- someone you’ll be comfortable around, right? Wrong! Don’t make the fatal threesome mistake of inviting someone you both know into your bed. Pick an unbiased third party. Someone neither you or your partner feels threatened by. 

One of the worst things you could do is tell your man that you want a threesome with one of his friends. He’ll get instantly jealous and wonder how long you’ve wanted to bone his buddy. Remember, threesomes are about sexual satisfaction, not emotions. That’s why it’s recommended you choose someone neither of you knows to avoid any jealousy, insecurities, or awkward get-togethers in the future.

There is something to be said, though, for choosing a woman you know as the third person for a MFF threesome. Some women feel more comfortable having a three-way with a female they know and trust. Be sure to only ask a girlfriend who is sexually open and won’t be offended by your proposition. You also need to be prepared that if you choose wrong you may damage the friendship.

Pre-Threesome Etiquette 

Once you and your guy decide on the perfect person for your three-way, it’s time to break the ice. Instead of hopping right into bed or getting naked in the first few minutes of meeting up, ease into things. Meet at a neutral location like a bar or restaurant for a few drinks to help everyone relax. You’ll also find out if you have sexual chemistry. Without a connection, the threesome won’t work. Once your nerves are calmed and everyone seems more open to the idea, take things behind closed doors and let the fun begin! 

Don't get disappointed if you meet for the 1st time and don't have your threesome, it could make it much more comfortable to call the 3rd party next time you want to do it and get straight to business. 

Have a Safe Word

You may think you want to have a threesome. You may get turned on by watching threesome videos. But none of these scenarios compares to the real deal. You might feel a lot different than you anticipated once shit gets real. When you’re in bed with your husband and this third person and things are heating up, you might change your mind, panic, or decide that you simply can’t go through with it. This is where a safe word comes into play. Choose a safe word with your husband beforehand and then share it with the third party. It should be a simple yet recognizable word that any of you can use at any time to put the brakes on things. 

There Are No Strings Attached in Threesomes 

Speaking of emotions, your threesome should be a no-strings-attached arrangement. Unless of course, you’re interested in an open relationship that actually involves bringing a third person in as a mutual partnership for both you and your husband. Otherwise, this is sex and nothing more than sex. 

This is another reason it’s recommended the third person in your three-way is a stranger. There should be no calling or contact after the event (unless it’s to arrange another threesome)! This isn’t about making emotional connections. When feelings become involved in threesomes, someone is bound to get hurt. Keep it casual, simple, and to the point.

Pick a Neutral Setting

Just as you don’t want to bring a third person too close to the emotional part of your relationship, you shouldn’t bring them into your actual bedroom. For many couples, this is a sacred, intimate place. It’s where you and your husband make love. Plus, if things go terribly wrong, having a threesome in your own bed might be a constant reminder of that bitch or bastard who got between you and your husband and that’s no fun! Instead, choose a neutral location where there’s no emotional attachment. A hotel room is an optimal choice. It puts everyone on a level playing field. 

Threesomes Aren’t Perfect -- Consider Where Things Could Go Wrong

This is one of the less-glamorous sides of having a threesome. Like with any type of sexual experimentation, things might not go as planned. Thinking about what might go wrong ahead of time makes it easier for you and your husband to handle any hiccups along the way. Express your fears and worries. Keep the communication going and don’t get frustrated. Having a threesome in a relationship is a big step. The more you clear the air beforehand, the more likely it is to actually happen and be successful. Patience is key. 

The Third-Party Has Needs Too

Yes, this threesome is about fulfilling your sexual needs and fantasies. It’s also about taking yours and your partner’s sex life to the next level. But what about the innocent third-party in all this? They have needs too and you should address them. Fill them in on the safe word you chose and any rules about touching, kissing, or penetration. You should also consider how to treat the third party both before and after the sexual encounter. Who will make contact -- you or your husband? Will all three of you meet beforehand to discuss things? Is this person in a relationship? What’s prompting them to join your threesome? Find out a little bit about their personal boundaries without getting too personal. Remember, this is about sex not emotions.

Chances are if you mention the word “threesome” to your man, his eyes will grow wide (along with something else) and he’ll wonder if you’re serious. After the excitement wears off, he may start wondering why you want a third person in the bedroom. Is he not enough? Does he not sexually satisfy you? These doubts are completely normal. 

These tips are guidelines on how to have a three-way with your husband without freaking him out. The more prepared you are, the better you can handle any fears, doubts, or uncertainties as they arise. The fact remains that threesomes in relationships (when done right) are a healthy, fun way to expand your sexual horizons and get in touch with (and satisfy) your sexual needs.

April Sutphen



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