Tie me up and spank me. If you’ve ever been handcuffed to the bed, used a sex swing, or blindfolded your partner, you’ve engaged in a mild form of bondage. There’s something highly erotic about being vulnerable, exposed, and at your partner’s mercy.
Are you looking to take your bondage game to the next level? Do you want to incorporate some more daring and kinky bondage techniques into your sexual repertoire? You’ve come to the right place (pun intended). Here we’ll explore the world of bondage from mild to wild. Check out some bondage for beginners tips and ways to slowly transition into the naughty, sometimes dark, world of BDSM.
What is Bondage vs. BDSM?
Bondage is the “B” in BDSM. BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.
BDSM role-playing, games, and scenarios aren’t for the faint of heart. You’ll find countless couples who enjoy the dark, sometimes painful and demeaning world of BDSM highly erotic and enjoyable. Some people even adopt these dominant-submissive roles in everyday life. It tends to be a lifestyle more than just a fun game of dress-up on a Friday night.
Bondage, on the other hand, is used to describe everything from furry handcuffs and silk blindfolds to restraints, ropes, whips, and nipple or pussy clamps. Most average couples who delve into the world of bondage also cross the line into “discipline”. Spanking your partner, telling them they’re a bad girl or boy, demanding sexual favors, and hair-pulling are all forms of bondage and discipline.
Once you move onto some of the other letters in this acronym like sadism and masochism, you’re entering a darker world of inflicting and receiving pain for sexual pleasure.
What Makes Bondage Such a Turn On?
What is it about being handcuffed, spanked, or blindfolded that sends people into a sexual frenzy? A few things make bondage universally appealing.
First, play-struggling while handcuffed to the headboard or when your ankles are shackled in a spread-eagle position is just plain hot. You’re completely vulnerable. You must obey your partner’s sexual wishes and desires. You also experience an adrenaline rush each time you yank on restraints without actually breaking free.
This scenario appeals to the innate female desire to be controlled by an alpha male. For guys, anytime their woman takes the dominant role, commands the bedroom, or makes the first move is a good night!
There’s also a little science behind the sexual arousal people feel when blindfolded or restrained. Anytime you take away one of your five senses (taste, touch, smell, sound, and sight), it heightens all the others. When you’re blindfolded and can’t see what your partner is doing, your entire body is more sensitive to the touch, smell, and sounds of your partner. That stroke across your breast or belly feels electrifying. That moan or whisper in your ear sends a rush of blood to your nether regions. Not being able to reach out and touch them heightens your arousal even more!
Bondage for Beginners
Is all this talk about whipping, spanking, and restraints getting you excited? You may be secretly asking, “Where do I sign up?” We’ve got the answers!
Bondage for beginners is fairly simple. In fact, any new sexual act or experience is based on your comfort level, kinks, fetishes, and what turns you on. Here are a few tips for broaching the topic with your partner and safely exploring the exciting world of bondage play.
Discuss Interests and Boundaries
Exploring any new form of sexual pleasure is about respecting your partner’s boundaries and indulging in their interests. If handcuffing or being tied up freaks your wife or girlfriend out, see if she’s more comfortable with a blindfold or leash. Does your guy love being spanked? See if he likes the firm smack from a paddle or the sharp sting of a crop or whip.
Nothing kills the moment like inflicting unwanted pain on your other half or completely freaking them out mid-sex session. To avoid this, talk about the particulars beforehand. Share your interest in bondage with your partner and see what aspects of it excite them. If you’re both interested in the same types of kink play, start there! Some couples also create a safe word to use if things get too intense or painful along the way.
Start with Basic Props
Can’t decide on where to start on your bondage journey? Are both you and your partner unsure of what props to use? Start with the basics.
Blindfolds and handcuffs are probably the two least-intimidating and easiest to use bondage props available. Blindfolds come in a variety of materials and styles, most of which are sexy and comfortable. Handcuffs or wrist restraints are made of everything from metal and ropes to velcro and velvet.
Once you’ve mastered these basic props you can add some nipple claims, ankle restraints, paddles, whips, and even a leash or ballgag. After experimenting with an open mind, you’ll quickly discover your likes and dislikes, as well as what makes your partner squirm and wiggle in delight!
Explore Edging and Orgasm Control
Another thing that makes bondage so sexually arousing is the element of control. The dominant partner is in control of the submissive person’s pleasure. Once one person is restrained, handcuffed, or blindfolded, they don’t have much choice but to obey the commands of the other person. Controlling someone’s movements is one thing -- controlling their orgasms is something completely different and unbelievably sexy.
Edging is the process of bringing yourself or your partner to the brink of orgasm without actually climaxing. Each time you get close to the edge (hence the name) without actually releasing, the more intense the orgasm is once you finally achieve it. Practice teasing your restrained partner by bringing them close to climax and then slowing down your movements or switching to another technique. Pay close attention to your partner’s body cues and breathing. If their breathing becomes shallow and quick and they start pulling harder against the restraints (if you’re using them), these are all signs that they’re close to coming.
Keep this going until they beg for release or explode uncontrollably.
Heat Things Up with Candles and Massage Oil
There’s nothing quite as relaxing as a massage. It combines foreplay and eroticism. When it comes to bondage, oil is best when it’s HOT! And no, we don’t mean figuratively. Using massage oil candles or headed wax adds an entirely new level of pleasure to your kinky sex play.
Remember how we mentioned targeting all of your senses? If your partner is blinded and you begin to drip hot oil on their body, chances are, they’ll become super aroused super quickly! We’re talking hard nipples, gyrating hips, and raging erections. Beginners should always use candles designed to burn into massage oil and not real wax. Kinkier couples or those who are into sadism and masochism might opt for the real thing.
Focus on Trust and Communication
It’s no secret that trust and communication are crucial elements of any healthy, intimate relationship. But this is especially true when discussing bondage. The submissive partner is relinquishing all control to the dominant partner. Once you’re handcuffed, restrained, or blindfolded, you have to completely trust your partner not to hurt you -- unless that’s what you want!
Since a lot of role-playing scenarios include taking on a different persona or personality, it’s important to keep the lines of communication open. Are you playing hard to get or have you changed your mind about being tied up? Did your partner’s spanking go from pleasing to painful? Because bondage often involves restraints and “play” struggling, it’s essential that your partner knows when you’re actually resisting, uncomfortable, or in need of a break. This is another good reason to use a safe word.
Beginners should start with innocent role-playing scenarios that can’t quickly get out of control. You can also tell your partner exactly what you’re doing, how, and when you’re doing it. Things like, “I’m going to blindfold you now” or “Do you want me to spank you?”
Add Costumes
Speaking of role-playing, costumes only intensify the pleasure of bondage play. The obvious costumes and accessories include leather harnesses, masks, whips, and thigh-high boots. But if you’re not into the dominatrix look, there are countless bondage costumes and scenarios to choose from -- most of which revolve around a dominant-submissive power struggle.
Some of our favorites include a schoolgirl and teacher, police officer and criminal, doctor and nurse, and boss and employee.
What Your Beginners Bondage Kit Should Include
If you want one-stop-shopping look no further than a beginners bondage kit. These kits give you all the necessities you need to experiment and explore kinky bondage play.
Bed Restraints
Restraints describe anything that holds your partner down so they’re at your complete mercy. Popular restraints include handcuffs, wrist and ankle shackles, and full bed restraints that conveniently go under the mattress for beds without headboards.
Rope
You can use rope for a lot of things during bondage play from tying your partner to the bed, chair, or other objects to trying different bondage positions.
Blindfold
A blindfold is a bondage staple. Most people have used blindfolds during sex without giving it a second thought and don’t realize it’s considered a bondage accessory. From silk to leather and everything in between, blindfolds are a comfortable, easy way to keep your partner in the dark while you explore their bodies and your fantasies.
Handcuffs
Although handcuffs are a form of restraints, they deserve their own mention. Handcuffs are another non-intimidating bondage prop that many people give or get as a “gag” or novelty gift. But chances are, you’ve used this gift to shackle your partner to the bed and have their way with them and we can’t blame you!
Tickler or Crop
Do you or your partner enjoy being spanked? Most people see crops, whips, or paddles and get nervous. Don’t be! Ticklers are a great beginner bondage item because they’re gentle and easy to use. If your partner likes it a little rough, try a crop. If they enjoy it, you can progress to whips and paddles.
Collars
When most people hear “collar” they think of a dog collar or a leash. While there’s definitely a market for this in the BDSM and bondage world, you don’t need to drag your partner around like a dog to enjoy this bondage item. Many collars are extremely attractive and sexy, mimicking a choker necklace. If the sight of your woman in a choker drives you crazy, add a gorgeous collar to your bondage kit for an extra naughty sex session.
Lingerie
Any type of lingerie is acceptable during bondage play. If it makes you feel sexy, then it’s perfect! From crotchless panties and teddies to leather harnesses and babydolls, wear something that makes you feel both attractive and powerful. Costumes are the perfect choice for bondage role-play.
Have Fun Exploring Bondage for Beginners
Don’t let the phrase “bondage” scare you. You’ve probably engaged in mild bondage play without even realizing it. Using those play handcuffs and blindfolding your partner are both considered beginners bondage techniques.
Now that you know some of the basics of bondage play, you and your partner can explore your fantasies in a safe and non-intimidating way. Make sure to talk things out beforehand and create a deep level of trust. And above all else, have fun!
April Sutphen
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